This obviously needs some additional work and it’s probably not going to happen any time soon, but it’s something I threw together last night and picked away at a bit tonight.
Enjoy!
FADE IN:
INT. REGISTER AREA - DAY
DJ is working a cash register wearing something as close as
possible to his normal shades, but they're glasses with
thick lenses and he looks SUPER dorky. He scans the items
for a stereotypical KAREN.
DJ
Anything else, ma'am?
KAREN
No, that's everything.
DJ
Are you sure?
KAREN
Of COURSE I'm sure! What are you
trying to imply?
[Intro]
The music starts up and a spotlight shines on DJ. DJ's
lenses transition to shades. A black velvet ring box flies
out of Karen's purse into DJ's hand. DJ opens it to reveal
a ring with the price tag still attached and hanging out.
He snaps it shut.
ZOOM ON THE RING BOX.
NATURAL WIPE
TO:
INT. SECURITY ROOM - DAY
A darkened room. The camera pans from the edge across
black and white CRT TVs showing Karen committing all manner
of crimes of varying degrees of pettiness, pouring a bit
out of her water bottle and fake slipping, stuffing jewelry
into her purse, opening a box of tissues to blow her nose,
spritzing perfume on herself and closing the box back up,
painting her nails in the aisle, etc.
DJ
♪World turns black and white
Pictures in a TV room
Your fake slip falling down
Better change your tune
Yeah, you reach for the golden ring
You think that you're sly
Lady you really think♪
PAN OFF THE SCREENS.
NATURAL WIPE
TO:
INT. REGISTER AREA - DAY
PAN PAST THE REGISTER LIGHT POLE.
DJ flicks off his conveyor and jumps onto it for the
chorus.
DJ
♪I'll get fired get fired
Screw your box wine♪
DJ punts her box wine off the bagging area.
DJ (cont'd)
♪Get me fired yeah fired
I'll leave it behind♪
DJ jumps back down and leans across the conveyor to get in
her face.
CLOSE UP.
DJ (cont'd)
♪Run, run, run away♪
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. BIG BOX STORE LOADING AREA - DAY
Karen is now running out of the store from the security
guards with her heels in hand and a burlap bag of loot,
making her way through an improbable industrial jungle gym
of what is otherwise a loading area.
DJ
♪Like a train runnin' off the track
Got the truth bein' left behind
Fall between the cracks
Bags of stolen things
Heart as black as night, ah
Well, just pull your strings♪
Karen gets tackled and handcuffed by police.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JEWELRY AREA - DAY
DJ points to various empty spots and jewelry flies to them
from the purse on a central table (filmed in reverse).
DJ
♪I'll get fired get fired
No hint of slack
Get me fired yeah fired
I'll never look back♪
Karen's mascara is now running as she cries on her knees in
the middle of the area in front of a mostly empty display
table. DJ slowly walks past her without even looking down.
DJ (cont'd)
♪So lady, dry your eyes
Don't care how much you cry
Or what dumb reason you made up
'Cause we belong
In a world you can be wrong
With that dumb reason you made up♪
[Guitar Solo]
DJ jumps up onto an empty display table near the edge and
air guitars and an axe forms in his hands in a shower of
orange sparks. He slings it off himself and holds it up
in one hand and it explodes back into sparks. He jumps off
the table into the aisle.
CRANE SHOT.
DJ runs through the main aisles around the store with his
fist in the air with a cheering crowd behind him.
DJ (cont'd)
♪Yeah, I'll get fired get fired
So go to heck
Fired get fired
No skin off my neck
Oh, I'll get fired and get an
Unemployment check♪
DJ disappears behind the displays near the back.
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. BIG BOX STORE - CONTINUOUS
DJ emerges much faster than he has any right to from the
other side of the far displays as the rest of the crowd
disappears behind them. He makes his way around the store
and back to the jewelry section where Karen is still
crying. He pulls out a handkerchief from his fist as a
magic trick and offers it.
DJ
♪So lady, dry your eyes
Don't care how much you cry
Or what dumb reason you made up
'Cause we belong
In a world you can be wrong
With that dumb reason you made up♪
[Guitar Solo]
He uses the hanky to produce a miniature version of the
rest of the band on the table behind them.
WHIP PAN.
The band is actually playing across from a small mirror.
The cheering crowd arrives lifts DJ up to carry him off as
a hero.
SLOW MOTION CLOSE UP.
DJ (cont'd)
♪And in the end
You won't get a suspend
'Cause all your reasons are made up♪
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. REGISTER AREA - DAY
DJ is back behind the register in his dorky glasses, having
imagined the whole thing.
DJ
Nothing.
KAREN
Good, because if you mean to accuse
a loyal customer of stealing, I'll
have you fired!
DJ finishes bagging everything up, but fails to take one of
the anti-theft buttons off one of the dresses, pretending
to and flipping another dress on top of it at an angle she
can't see. Everything goes in the cart. She walks off
with it snootily and DJ handles the next customer, a
pleasant middle-aged woman. The theft alarm goes off.
Security rushes past and off and she argues with them off-
screen as DJ does his work without even noticing, but the
ring box from before sans tag flies and hits DJ in the head
with a SCREAM from Karen. DJ tries to hide his smile.
FADE TO BLACK